Hello, pals.

Goodness, it's been ten days since I last wrote here. Yes, I'm alive; and no, this will not be a juicy creative post. Just wanted to let you know that I am not killing off the blog.

The sad thing is that I don't really have stuff that I could share on the blog. On Thursday I rewrote 5-6 sentences for eleven pages. And my Advanced Writing teacher did NOT collect our writings because he'd be travelling over the five day break we're having now. It was a true torture, though, the writing. I mean, look at some of the sentences I used(everything in "..." was rewritten for a page): "I hate Advanced Writing daily writings." "My roommates are cool." "Franz Ferdinand was King of Austria." "WRONG--He was just a prince!" (I actually need to venture into Wikipedia to make sure which is true, ay me!) "Balbasaur is not my favourite Pokémon." "Writing heats up specific parts of the brain" "--now this is a very very silly argument." "This is just a very very stupid" "waste of my precious time."

Right, I told you I didn't have a very creative week. But I won't lie to you, I have some stuff that I consider too private for the blog which probably will make their way to the blog next Thursday. They already would have if I wasn't stupid enough to actually turn in my literary-stuff-notebook (now this is a crappy name)to my teacher the week before this. I am yet to get it back for a variety of very very silly reasons.

What else, what else.. Well, the musical isn't far away at all now--actually, six weeks from today is the day we'll have our third and last performance. We only do three nights. (Invite us to your schools, yo!) I am ashamed of myself for starting to truely ponder on what playing an overly-effeminate eunuch (ah, you guys didn't know that, did you? well, most of you were probably already told by me) will do to my reputation at school. (BECAUSE IT IS MY NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME! *spring flavoured cookies for the first 657 people who tell me what this was a reference to in the comments*) I mean, I know it's just a role; and everyone with a handful of brain within the skull would know that. Doesn't change the fact they'll make fun of Kutay and not Şakir the Eunuch. Doesn't change the fact I shouldn't give a damn. You know what, that was why I actually auditioned for and accepted the role of the effeminate eunuch in the first place: To challenge myself, challenge my ego; and challenge those with more bone than brain in their heads. But still, it makes me nervous. I won't be cool playing Şakir in any case. Oh well, when was I? When did I care? Right?

What else, what else..well, I'm sort of an emotional trainwreck nowadays; and I'm desperately trying to put myself on recovery mode. I probably will not be able to; but the incoming increasing workload with the approaching play is a welcome distraction. Everything should be fine in six weeks when I'll virtually have no energy to care for any certain person's affections (Well, maybe except my own loyal self's. You know what I always think? If you ever feel that you ceased loving and respecting yourself, you are walking a terribly wrong path.) and just focus on accepting graceful congratulations and just walking past those who are not as graceful. Six weeks. Last week when I was performing on stage for a Modern Drama project (yes, my lessons are cool.) I realized that I am happiest, purest in terms of emotion, most balanced and most alacritous, and curiously, most seperated from any negative or positive impacts of my ego, when I'm on stage. I expressed the realization to my drama teacher with the words "I've been in love. The stage is better." Every word of it is true. I really hope to spend a lifetime on stage. Sigh.

Anyways, back to my emotional imbalance (well, I don't spend 24 hours a day on stage, do I?) "You don't have to win, you just have to play." as the great Quentin Crisp says. I just have to know -and know for sure and with absolute closure- when the play time is over and be able to pat the other players in the back when admitting failure. For now, I have the faint feeling I should keep playing; and so shall I. Oh my, I am exposing my inner world to the entire world, I who have been attributed the animal "oyster" by a friend who knows me really well! Oh well.

Ah, I'm going on the road in four hours, by the way. I have the Bilbo Baggins-esque feeling of not really wanting to go and being really really excited about the journey. It's a seven-eight hour bus trip down south to a city that has a name with only the last letter different than my hometown to which I returned last night. Isn't that fun?

Right, closing time. This is one of those posts that I have doubts as to how interesting can it be at all to any given person on the planet; but if you did bear with me 'til the end, thanks. Take care, I promise I'll write more often when I return to İstanbul in four days!

P.S: Wait wait wait--I'll probably type a shortish post today when I'm on the road suggesting some songs I heard in the school concert on Thursday. Some true pearls, really. See you soon!